


Steal And Leave

by CocoKookie



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Criminals, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crime Scenes, Dan Howell-centric, F/M, First Love, First Meetings, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Murder, One Night Stands, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Past Child Abuse, Phan - Freeform, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-24 01:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8351566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CocoKookie/pseuds/CocoKookie
Summary: Dan is a thief who has no home. His surviving method is seducing people and then robbing, even killing them. He doesn't have any friends and he definitely doesn't do relationships. But meeting Phil, a lonely, handsome man at a bar might change his mind...





	1. Prologue (Dan's letter)

**Author's Note:**

> My first story, yay! I had this idea in mind for a long time now, so I finally started to write it.
> 
> This is Dan's letter to Phil in the morning after, introducing him.

_Hey, Phil._  
_I’m sorry for leaving. Maybe you’re glad that I left. I don’t know. It would be better, I guess. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that you’re... really nice. I can’t remember last time someone treated me like a human. But you did. And that’s what I’m thankful for._  
_I wanted to tell you the truth. Well, not a whole story of my life, but some important things. First of all, I steal. A lot. And at first my plan was to seduce you (guess I did it, huh? ;] ), then, if I'd find you good enough, spend the night with you and then rob you while you’re sleeping. I’ve done it many times, it’s easy now. It seemed like you instantly trusted me. But this time... I don’t know why, but I couldn’t do it. I felt... bad. You had to be so nice and caring that I almost forgot who I am. For the first time I actually cared about someone. I didn’t want you to remember me with bad thoughts. You were too gentle and nice. So don’t worry, I didn't take anything from you, there’s nothing gone. Except me, of course._  
_Oh, and my name is Dan, actually. I always lie about my name because I don’t want anyone to know me. The real me. I am 25 though. I didn’t lie about that. I also didn’t lie about my feelings towards you. You really are an amazing person and I really wish we could get to know each other more. But that’s not possible. I can’t do relationships. With my lifestyle... It’s impossible. For you, I almost want to give it up. But I can’t. I’m not gonna tell you why, because I don’t like to talk about my past, you probably don’t even care (it was just a one night stand, after all, I feel stupid for even writing this) and I don’t have time for that. You can wake up at any moment. I need to leave._  
_Anyway, thank you for this night. It really helped me feel like a normal human being again. I won’t forget you. Goodbye._  



	2. You've Got Them Wrapped Around Your Finger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steal. Leave. Survive.  
> (Kill, if you need to)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who actually read notes, I'm late af but it's only chapter 2 and there aren't many people reading so I guess it's okay haha  
> Anyway, now the story really begins. Enjoy

_3 weeks ago_

Dan was sitting in a hotel room, thinking.

He was staying in this crappy hotel for a week now and had done almost nothing, meaning that soon he'll start to run out of money. The money was always a problem. Staying in this shitty room was more expensive than he expected it to be but it was better than nothing. This small town didn't have anything better. Dan started to think if this even was a good idea to come here. He can only afford to go to places where rich people lives. Rich and dumb people. His only source of money.

Dan didn't like to think of himself as a prostitute. He's not asking for money, he just takes it. It's an easy game now: meet a stranger, preferably drunk to make everything easier, seduce them, spend a night with them and after that take their money. Sometimes he doesn't even fuck them, he just takes money while the person is in bathroom or somewhere else and disappears.

And sometimes he just kills them.

It's not often, because that means extra work, hiding the body and clearing all evidence, so Dan kills only when it's really necessary.  
Of course, that's a dangerous lifestyle so he doesn't stay in one place for too long. Usually he changes his location every month. Dan doesn't have home and family, so he wanders around places, just existing. He doesn't have any friends, he doesn't do relationships (because who would even accept his lifestyle?). Pretty sad life, but it's always been like that. Better alone than with people who hates you.

It was raining all day. Dan should get up and look for a victim, but he was too tired to do that. He knew he had to, eventually, but it was already late and he wasn't in the mood for bars and hookups. Besides, it was raining and he didn't want to get wet. There was still enough time anyway.

The next day was a complete opposite of previous one. The sun was shining brightly and that was the first thing what woke up Dan, as he had forgotten to close the curtains last night. He groaned and turned around, facing the wall. Today, he needs to get money. But before that, he can walk around and get to know this place better. After all, he's gonna be there for a whole month so it would be useful.

During the day, Dan never really cares how he looks like, so he just finished straightening his hair, dressed up all in black like always, grabbed his wallet and went out. This hotel's cafeteria looked even more horrible than the hotel itself so he decided to eat somewhere else. Perhaps he could find a perfect place where to look for victims.

The day went by peacefully. This town was actually not that bad, it looked like there are quite a lot places to go and the one that caught Dan's eye was a pretty big dance club. Now, Dan wasn't really a fan of dancing, he almost despised it, but this club looked like a place for stupid, careless people, who just wanted to get drunk and get a one night stand.

It was getting late and Dan needed to get ready for the night. As a thief, he needed to change his appearance every time he met someone. Nothing major, just some differences here and there. For today, Dan felt like changing to the fullest. He had two bags - one full of everyday clothes and everyday stuff, and the other one specially for his "work". There were a couple of wigs, colored hair sprays, other hair products, fake glasses, makeup, some clothes etc. For tonight, he decided to go with black hair. He only ever dyed his hair with temporary colors because he liked his brown hair and wanted to keep it. Washing out those fake colors always made him feel like himself.

After that, Dan made his hair in a quiff and put on fake glasses. He put on some more colorful clothes and left the hotel.

The club was full of people. Someone vomited right next to the door when Dan came in.

"Nice start", he mumbled to himself.

It was quite hard to even get further inside, but it seemed like he won't even need to. Some woman pulled his arm, murmuring something. Dan could see she was already wasted but her clothes looked quite expensive and she clearly wasn't able to think straight. _Maybe I won't even need to sleep with her,_ Dan thought.

"Well hello there," he said in possibly flirtiest voice he could pull. It seemed to work, as she threw her arms around his neck and giggled.

"What's ya name, cutie?" she asked, trying to stand straight but failing. It wasn't a surprise, as she was wearing incredibly high heels and she was seemed competely wasted. Dan almost gagged in disgust but did his best to keep a smiling face.

"Jacob," he said confidently. He never told anyone his real name. The only problem was that sometimes he forgot what name he gave for himself and sometimes misunderstandings happened because of that. But it felt safer to lie.

"Well, Jacob, are you here by yourself?" she asked, pulling Dan closer. He didn't even get a chance to answer when she suddenly squealed and started to giggle again.

"I just realized I forgot to say my name as well!" she giggled. Right, Dan hadn't even bothered to ask her. "I'm Rebecca!" She smiled widely.

"What a nice name," Dan said. She giggled again and flipped her long, red hair. "And yes, I'm here by myself. Are you?"

"Niiiice! Me too-hicc!" she said, suddenly starting to hiccup. Dan almost started to laugh. He didn't want to waste a lot of time on her so he started to drag her outside.

"How is that possible? A young, beautiful woman like you shouldn't be alone," he said, dragging her to the exit door. She giggled again, making Dan secretly roll his eyes. What an annoying victim.

"Well I guess-hicc!-people don't appreciate me that much," she clung even more to Dan's hand. "I could ask the same to you."

Dan laughed sadly. "I'm always alone."

At least that was true.

Rebecca didn't even hear that, she just let Dan drag her and hiccuped even more than before. They were almost outside when she suddenly stopped.

"Wait!" she shouted. Dan looked at her, confused. "I need to go to the bathroom first, can you wait? Hold my purse, please!" She slowly stood up and gave her purse to Dan.

"I'll be right back, sweetheart!" she shouted and stumbled away.

Dan smirked, fighting back the will to laugh out loud. It couldn't go better. She actually gave her purse to a man she just met and left him alone. Dan was so relieved he won't need to spend even more time with her and happily went back to hotel. Then he checked Rebecca's purse to see if he got anything good. Usually he took only money but it was fun to see what else do people have in their bags. He placed everything from Rebecca's purse on the bed.

There were actually quite a few useful things. A credit card (sadly he couldn't use that, not even Rebecca was stupid enough to leave a password written anywhere in her purse), a wallet (he's gonna check that later), a lip balm (could be useful), a small bag of makeup (Dan very rarely used makeup but still decided to keep some of it just in case), a bar of chocolate (some snack was always a good surprise) and a bracelet (he could give that to another victim or maybe sell it somewhere). Now it was time to check the wallet.

Rebecca had even more money than he expected. She also had a gift card for spa and 2 tickets to a movie tomorrow. Nothing else. No passport or driver's card, so at least Dan didn't steal anything very important. He wasn't really ashamed about stealing, he was used to it, but he tried to not steal any documents. He couldn't use them anyway.

After going through her bag, Dan put the empty wallet back in the purse and reminded himself to throw it out the next day. He couldn't risk throwing it out in this hotel, as it would look suspicious and someone could find it. Dan went to bathroom, washed out the black hair color and then went to bed. His hotel room didn't have TV, there was no wifi, and even if there would be, Dan didn't have a phone. Sometimes he stole phones too and played games in them or browsed internet while it was possible. Soon, of course, owner would notice that the phone's missing and block the card. Then Dan sold the phone or used it to listen to music. That was almost the only reason he wanted a phone. Music would help to push away his dark thoughts at least for a while. For now, he had nothing to keep his mind off them and again Dan started to think how fucked up his life is. Just wandering from one place to another, fucking random people and then robbing them, never finding home. But there was no home for Dan.

He thought of the place that once was "home". It wasn't a happy place, but at least it was, well... home. A place where return to. Even if Dan despised it.

 

_Dan was eight years old._

"Come on, it will be fun! Are you scared?" a tall, skinny boy with blonde hair snickered.

Dan was hanging out with his brother and his brother's friends. His brother Ethan was 2 years older than him and even if he usually was an asshole, sometimes he let Dan come with them. Dan didn't have any friends so he tended to follow his brother everywhere, even if they couldn't stand each other. It was like no one could stand Dan.

"I'm not," Dan said. They were going to kindergarten's playground to "play with kids" when actually they had planned to steal some toys. Dan didn't like the idea and of course, other boys started to make fun of him.  


"You are! Are you scared of the 4 year olds? Maybe you're even scared of babies too?" the blonde boy laughed. "Ugh, Ethan, your brother is such a wimp!"

"I know," Ethan growled. "Let's just leave him here and go."

"No no no," other one, brown haired boy, smirked. "He needs to learn a lesson. Ethan can't have a scaredy cat brother." He turned to Dan. "If you don't come with us and help, we will beat you up. Your choice."

Dan looked at his brother, scared, but he just stared at him with the same disgust as other boys. Right. Why was he even expecting any kind of help from him.

"I'll come with you," he said, feeling tears pooling in his eyes.

"Good choice," Ethan said. "And don't even think about crying! Or I will tell dad."

Dan flinched and nodded.

 

"And look at me now," Dan quietly said to himself. "I could beat you all up. It'd be so good."

Still, after 7 years of being away from his family, he couldn't forgive them. There was no reason to forgive them too. His brother was a dick, his brother's friends made his life horrible, his dad was a sadistic asshole and his mom was a pitiful excuse of a mother. They were never his family. Dan never had a family. They're dead to him.

"I'm better now," he quietly said to himself. "I do what I want, I get what I want. I don't need anyone."

But deep down, he knew that he needed someone. His dark, wounded heart had never felt how it is to be loved and was screaming for help.

But Dan just shoved any emotions away and went to sleep.


	3. You're One Of A Kind That No One Understands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He never had a family. It was just an act while it was necessary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, Phil's gonna show up soon!  
> I'm trying to post as often as possible, and I'm improving :D  
> Thank you for 100 hits, that was fast haha  
> By the way, English is not my main language so I apologize for any mistakes!

It was raining again.

Why the fuck did it rain so much? Dan felt like he's living in a waterfall, water constantly pouring from the sky. He went out for snacks and came back soaking wet. Also he somehow managed to step in three puddles and needless to say, his mood dropped even more.  
Of course, along with boredom and anger came bad thoughts and memories. Dan sighed and let himself sink into them.

 

_Dan was five years old._

He didn't remember much from that time, only brief, short flashbacks.  
He was playing outside with his brother. They didn't have many toys so it was always a competition - who will get the coolest ones. There wasn't really a reason to fight for them because Ethan always got what he wanted. His brother would just call for dad and he would take everything away from Dan and sometimes even punish him for "stealing". For some reason, his family only loved Ethan and Dan was the unwanted one. They didn't even try to hide it.

Now that Dan looks back, he kind of knows why. There were a lot of things - he's bisexual (they didn't know that at first though), he never stood up for himself, never fought back. But his family seemed to hate him from the very beginning. He doesn't remember a single happy moment with them. He was never loved and there was a big reason why.

See, Ethan looked like a copy of his dad. Tall, skinny, with blonde hair and freckles. Grey, cold eyes and tiny nose. And just as arrogant and stupid as his dad. Dan's mother, on the other hand, had dark brown and curly hair, like Dan, and green eyes. As pale as the whole family, cold and always frowning. Dan looked nothing like his family, except his mother's hair. Their noses were also kind of similar.  
When Dan got older, he started to notice things. Like his mother not only didn't really care about her children but she wasn't home often. She disappeared for hours and came back late. In days like these, Dan's dad got even angrier and punished him for the tiniest things. Ethan always got away with everything. Even if their dad suspected that it is Ethan's fault, he never wanted to punish him. It was much easier to blame everything on Dan, since no one stood up for him. It wasn't fair, of course, and Dan never understood why his dad hated him so much.

Until one day.

_Dan was eleven years old._

His mother had always been strange, but now she started to act even weirder. She slept a lot, couldn't eat normally and even stopped drinking. She often felt sick, especially in mornings and sometimes even the smell of food made her gag. Dan was weirded out by that but didn't do anything to find out why was she acting like that. Ethan didn't seem to care or maybe he wasn't even aware about that. Both boys usually avoided their parents, but Ethan did that only because he didn't care about them. Or he was doing something illegal and didn't want to be caught.

Their dad, on the other hand, was very suspicious. Dan heard his parents arguing at least three times in a day, then even more. And one day, he finally understood why.

Dan's mom was pregnant.

But why was dad so angry?

It could have been because they were quite poor and they had two children already (and they couldn't stand one of them). But when became the time of birth, a girl was born and Dan find out why his dad was so angry.

The kid wasn't his. Dan's mother had been cheating on him for a long time, probably with several partners even.

And then Dan learned that he wasn't his "dad's" real son too.

He didn't know if the newborn baby is his real sister either. He still doesn't know, after all these years. He left home when he was eighteen and his sister (or stepsister) was only 7 then. She had her mother's eyes and hair. No one ever told Dan anything about his real dad or his sister's dad. Nearly after his sister's birth he had dared to ask his dad (well, not the real one, but he was used to think about him as his dad) about cheating. That was one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

His dad just _exploded_. He used to abuse Dan all the time but never this bad. He hit the boy's head several times with his fists and then pushed him on the floor and kicked him several times. Dan tried to hold the tears back but failed. His stepfather hated hearing someone, especially Dan, crying so he started to kick even harder.

"Stop crying, you wimp!" he screamed. "What are you crying about? Are you a little girl who didn't get a doll for Christmas? Is that how a boy should behave?"he grabbed Dan by the collar of his shirt and pulled him up. "Answer!"  
"N-no," Dan whimpered, trying to swallow the tears. "I'm sorry, dad..."  
"I'M NOT YOUR DAD, BOY!" he yelled loudly, face red from anger. "YOU SURELY KNOW THAT BY NOW, RIGHT? SPIED ON ME AND YOUR WHORE MOTHER?! THAT'S WHAT YOU JUST ASKED, ISN'T IT?" he didn't even let Dan answer and hit him again.  
Dan heard laughter. Ethan was back home and just watched them. His mother probably heard everything too but was too scared to come there. And she didn't care anyway, she never defended Dan. She probably despised him as much as his stepfather did, she just didn't abuse him.  
After several minutes what felt like a lifetime, Dan's stepfather let go of him and stormed out of the room. Ethan just snickered something at Dan and disappeared too. Dan couldn't get up. Everything hurt and and the boy was pretty sure he will have to stay in bed for several days. He considered crying for help, but his mother wouldn't come. She was busy taking care of his sister. Besides, dad could come back and if he would hear Dan cry again, he wouldn't hesitate to beat him even more.

 

Dan sighed. These were one of the darkest memories of his life.  
Not that many happy things happened to his life anyway.

 

 _Dan was fourteen and he discovered some new feelings._  
As horrible his family was, they tried to make everything look normal, to look like an ordinary, happy family. Dan's dad (let's call him like that because Dan didn't know his real father anyway) beat him less when Dan had school, to not make suspicions. For Dan, school was an escape from home, so he always tried to have good marks and stay there as long as possible. It was only a bit better than home though, because there were a lot of bullies and Ethan's friends never grew bored of beating and assaulting Dan. But Dan's class was quite normal. He even had friends for a while. But that wasn't for a long time.

Dan made another huge mistake.

It was an ordinary day. Like always, Dan was sitting in his group of friends outside, talking and goofing around. Those were the few memories he can remember with a smile.  
Something was changing. He found himself staring at his friend, Tom. He found himself thinking about him more than usual, thinking some weird thoughts... Like how nice it would be to hug him. To kiss him.

  
What?

  
He shouldn't think about his friend like that. They weren't even **that** good friends! They just kind of accepted him and if Dan would get bullied, they'd just disappear. They didn't help too. Dan knew they weren't really good friends, but he didn't have anyone else.  
That's why he was scared. These unwanted thoughts have been appearing in his head for several days already, maybe even weeks. He developed feelings, for the first time. And for a boy. He had heard his dad saying some nasty things about gay people and others. How they're wrong and fucked up. Dan already knew he was fucked up, it just turned out that he was even more fucked up than he thought. He could never tell Tom about this. He was pretty sure Tom was straight and even if he wouldn't be, Ethan could know. And he would immediately tell his dad about it and Dan feared to even think about what would happen then. So he had to push these thoughts away, he couldn't risk.

But he did it anyway.

He tried to spend more time with Tom alone, which was hard, because they were always hanging out as a group. He tried to please the boy, do everything he wants, help with homework and even share his small lunch. Tom noticed that, of course, but he never really thought about it. He just kind of accepted that and maybe that gave Dan a small hope.

One day, somehow they were left alone. It was almost time for a lesson when Tom said he needs to do something. Dan offered to help and after hesitating a bit, he let Dan come with him. It turned out Tom was just angry at the math teacher about something she said to him and wanted to damage her car. Dan had a bad feeling about this but he couldn't back off now. Besides, he liked Tom and nothing else mattered then.  
"Oh, how angry she's gonna be when she'll come out!" Tom grinned widely. The car was now with damaged wheels, covered in graffiti and dirt. Tom turned around, close to Dan.  
"Thanks for helping me, Dan," he said and smiled. "Without you I couldn't do it that fast."  
Dan grinned too. "You're welcome."  
He didn't know what was going on with his mind. Suddenly, he decided that it would be the perfect time to confess his feelings towards Tom. But he couldn't form a single sentence in his mouth, so he just leaned in and kissed him. He felt like in heaven, finally daring to do the thing he wanted for a long time.  
But this feeling disappeared after a second, when Tom shoved him away with horror.  
"Dude, seriously?!" he asked, eyes wide with shock and... disgust?  
Dan just stared at him, suddenly wanting to disappear.  
"You're a faggot, right?" Tom asked, wiping his mouth. "Of course. I always knew there's something wrong with you."  
"Tom, please..." Dan whimpered, watching the boy as he slowly started to leave. He had to do something, at least try to make Tom keep it as a secret.  
"Fuck off," he spat. "And don't even think about coming close to me or my friends ever again, you sick idiot!" Then he ran away.  
Dan wanted to cry, but he had to go back to school. He desperately tried to stay calm, but failed. And then he heard his friends near at the school's entrance.

"Seriously, dude?"  
"Yes! Dan's a fucking faggot! He kissed me!"  
"Oh God, ew."  
"How could we not notice?"  
"What if he wanted to get in your pants?"  
"What if he wanted to make us all sick?" "Tom, you should probably brush your teeth. What if you get some disease?"  
"I'll do it, but when I'll get home. For now we need to stay away from that sick fuck as far as possible." the voices faded out but Dan didn't go inside anyway. He collapsed on the ground, sobbing violently. Now he didn't have any friends at all and by tomorrow everyone will probably know.  
The next days went by in a blur. Everyone who knew, avoided him and now his classmates also despised him.  
It could've been worse, Dan reminded himself. Ethan could know and then his home would be even more of a hell.

 

Dan snuggled deeper into blankets, trying to fall asleep. He wanted to erase his memories, to just forget about everything. It didn't work.

 

 _Dan was eighteen, and things got worse._  
Again, he had feelings for someone, but this time it was a girl.  
Dan was very relieved about it. He met her in a park near to his house. She was new here and went to different school so she didn't know about Dan's reputation. It was good, Dan thought. Maybe he actually had a chance.  
Her name was Olivia. She was friendly and nice, a year younger than Dan. She had short, light brown hair and brown eyes, similar to Dan's. They always had something to talk about and it was never boring or awkward. She lived on the other side of the park, where Dan's family didn't go and he didn't see his classmates there. Life seemed a little better. Dan was grown up, he didn't cry as much as before. He was taller than his parents now, and even if he wasn't as strong as his stepfather, he didn't dare to hit him as often. Dan never fought back so dad knew that he still has power over Dan. Ethan was never home, hanging around with his friends and when he was, he would usually just insult Dan in some way and then leave him alone. His mother was still stone cold and didn't care about him, she didn't even care about his sister anymore. She usually played around with other kids at the playground near their house. Dan thought it was a bit dangerous to let her wander around like that - after all, she was only seven. But it's not like he cared much. He never really talked to her, only sometimes when he was the one who needed to bring her to kindergarten.

All Dan cared about was Olivia.

When he finally got brave enough to ask her out, she squealed and hugged him tightly. A week later they became a couple and Dan was finally happy. Not fully, of course, because he still had to live with his family, they didn't know about Olivia and he still needed to go to school. But at least he had a source of happiness in his life now. Olivia was his first love, his first girlfriend. He expierenced his first real kiss, first time, first relationship. Her parents liked Dan and he often visited them. Things looked good.

Sadly that wasn't for long too.

One day, they were walking around in park like always. They had their own spot in park where no one usually came. Dan always felt safe there.  
They went there and talked, like always, exchanging kisses every now and then. It was a nice summer afternoon and it was getting darker. They could hear voices from afar, but Dan just assumed that those are just random people walking through the park. He didn't care about them. All he wanted to do was keep making out with his girlfriend, and he did.

  
Until...

  
"Hey, would you look at that!" A weirdly familiar voice said and Olivia and Dan jumped away from each other. And then Dan saw who's there.

_Shit._

It was Tom and his gang. Dan's ex friends.

"Are you fucked in the head? Now you're snogging boys **and** girls?" Tom snickered.  
"That's even more fucked up, Howell," one of the others, Ryan, said. "You seriously need a therapy."  
Dan wiggled uncomfortably. Olivia looked at him with wide eyes.  
"You're... into boys?" she asked slowly. Dan couldn't bear to look at her.  
"Yes, sweetheart," Tom laughed. "Didn't he tell you? He literally was head over heels of me just a few months ago. Even kissed me, gross."  
Dan finally tilted up his head. "Get lost," he hissed at Tom. He just laughed.  
"You're such a freak, Howell. Kissing literally everyone who allows it. Like a man whore. So desperate for attention."

Suddenly Olivia stood up.

"I can't believe you," she said, tears starting to fall. "I was together with a freak! You're sick!" she started to go away slowly.  
Dan was shocked. He thought she would understand. Olivia always seemed like an understanding person. Of course, Tom said things that were not true, but she seemed disgusted even before that.  
"Liv, please!" he shouted. "I'm not snogging everyone who allows it! I need only you!"  
He started to sob. "You know I love you."  
She turned around, crying too. "Still, you're gay. You're... wrong. A mistake. Sick." and with those words, she walked off quickly.  
Dan didn't care that Tom was still there. Her words hurt more than any punch he'd gotten in his whole life. The one person he loved, he trusted, called him a mistake and left. There was no hope anymore. World seemed to collapse right there. Dan cried and cried, until another voice appeared.

_Now it was really bad._

"Thought I heard a familiar, annoying sound. What is it again, wimp? I haven't seen you crying that much lately," Ethan said, crossing his arms and leaning against a tree.

"Dan has a brother?"  
"Step brother, thankfully. I always knew we aren't hundred percent related."  
"Of course," Tom smirked.  
"He's crying because his girlfriend left him after we told her he's gay." one of the boys laughed.  
"What?!" Ethan asked, he was in pure shock too. "He's a fucking faggot?"  
"Yep. Wow, it seems like Danny had been hiding it pretty good. Probably used that girl to fool everyone."  
"Well, well, well," Ethan hissed. Dan looked at him with fear. "Looks like a good story to tell dad."

 

Dan squeezed his eyes shut, trying to forget what happened after. His stepfather tried to beat him up, of course. Dan tried to run, but couldn't because Ethan was standing in front of the door. After a few punches, this time with a pan and everything what his stepfather seemed to grab, Dan got free and run up to his room. He grabbed some clothes, pushed them into his backpack, took few necessary things and then waited at the door. As soon as his stepdad came in, he pushed him to the ground as hard as possible and threw the possibly heaviest book he had on his head. That seemed to stop him for a little time, so Dan rushed down, to his mother's bedroom. She was there but he didn't care. Dan took the money and turned to his mother. He didn't have much time. She just stared at him with an empty look.  
"You would just let me die, right?" Dan asked angrily. "You're the shittiest mother in the whole world." He slapped her in the face as hard as possible. She gasped and let out a tiny whimper, looking at Dan in shock. He turned to the window and opened it.  
"Goodbye, _mommy,_ " he hissed.

Then he jumped out and left.

 

Sometimes Dan wondered if they still live in the same place. If they're still together. How's his sister. She was the only person he didn't hate. He felt like he never knew her. He couldn't even remember her name. Pretty sure her name was Stephanie or Melanie or whatever. Dan didn't really care. He won't see his family ever again anyway.  
These memories teared up his broken heart again. For a short time, he was happy. He had a girlfriend. Memories about her hurt the most. It made him lock his heart and Dan swore he would never let himself get attached to anyone ever again. He could never trust anyone, not after such a betrayal. Hookups didn't mean anything to him, he just needed money.

But still, falling asleep, Dan secretly wished he could find love again. To have a reason to exist.


	4. I'm well acquainted with villains that live in my head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting money isn't always that easy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feeling productive, haha

Dan woke up late.

Today he felt like doing something and the weather seemed okay, so it would be a perfect day for getting money. He needed to get rid of the hurtful memories and some drink sounded just right so Dan decided to go to another bar. He saw it few days ago, and it looked quite crowded then. Besides, it was Friday, there had to be people today. It was only an afternoon, so Dan had plenty of time to get ready. He decided to have a quick shower instead of a bath, because he was afraid that the dark thoughts are gonna show up again and he would cancel everything. There was no time for existential crisis, he needed money.

After changing his looks (dark blue hair and sunglasses this time) Dan had a quick meal and went out. He took a small walk around the park because it was still too early. Ten minutes later he finally went to bar. It was crowded already, not as much as the dance club of course, but there were plenty of people to get money. This time finding a victim wasn't that easy. Dan made a small talk with some people, but no one of them were drunk or stupid enough to sleep with him. Or single. It was harder to find a male victim, because it was hard to tell if they're gay or not so once again Dan decided to look for a girl. He still drank his first bottle of beer slowly, not wanting to get too tipsy. Dan felt like this is gonna be a long night. He still couldn't find a victim. He saw a man sitting three seats away from him, he looked quite handsome. Black hair, glasses, red button up shirt. He was smiling and talking to barista. Suddenly someone took a seat next to Dan and he couldn't see that man anymore. Dan chose to pay attention to the person who sat up next to him instead. It was a girl, blonde hair tied up in a ponytail and pink jacket. She looked pretty casual but then Dan noticed her paying for a drink and he could see that she had a lot of money. This was his chance.

"I'll pay for it," Dan said and smiled to her. The woman looked surprised.

"Thanks I guess" she said, "but why?"

"Well, let's just say I'm in a good mood today and I want to do something good for a beautiful girl like you."

That worked. She blushed and tilted her head down. Dan smirked. He may have a terrible life, but he knew that despite everything, he was quite attractive and likeable. He knew how to seduce people and all these years had helped him improve this skill.

It hasn't always been like that. Back when Dan just ran away from home, he had really low self esteem and no confidence at all. First days being alone were hard. All he thought about was how to survive. He started to steal food and other things. First weeks of being homeless he spent stealing anything that had an easy access from markets, sneaking into public places like libraries and stealing coats and scarfs. He spent nights in abandoned houses or parks. Sometimes he didn't even sleep, just wandered around. It was hard to fall asleep in an old building where the wind was howling and it was cold. Especially hard it was because of Dan's fear of the dark. He used to imagine horrible things that could happen while he's asleep until he got up and went to another place. Dan got way skinnier and dirty. There were times where he thought of suicide - if there wasn't anywhere to go, anything what would keep his willing to live, then why even stay? There were so many ways to die. Dan never actually tried that, though. Something always kept him away from killing himself. Maybe it was a tiny hope that it could get better. Well, eventually it did, at least in some way. Dan remembers the first time when things changed for him quite well.

 

_Dan was 19 and he was still just a homeless, lonely boy with no reasons to live._

It has been a good day. No one noticed him stealing things and he got himself a new jacket. It also had a bit of money left in pockets, so he could buy a snack. It was getting dark and Dan was going through a dark alley which made him a bit uncomfortable. He started to go faster.

"Looks like you're in a hurry," a voice suddenly said.

Dan jumped and turned around. Some woman came out of one of the buildings. She was wearing a mini skirt and a really tight top. Her black hair was tied up in a ponytail and she had a little too much makeup on. Dan frowned. What did this woman want from him?

"Hey," the woman said. "You could stop running and come inside. We could have a good time."

Dan was confused. Was she a prostitute? Before he even had time to react, she spoke again.

"Don't get me wrong, it's not for free. I usually ask 150 pounds for an hour, but you're looking quite fine so it's 120 for you."

So she _is_ a prostitute. For fucks sake.

"No thanks," Dan coldly replied. "Even if I'd want to, I couldn't, I have no money."

"Oh come on," the woman said, sounding quite desperate. "I know young people don't have a lot of money, but I'm sure you can afford that much. Please. I haven't had any clients today."

"Look," Dan said, becoming angry. The woman flinched at his aggressive tone. "I really don't have any money, okay? I'm fucking homeless and just trying to find a place where to spend a night and I didn't know this was a slut alley."

"Sorry, you just don't look homeless. And there's no need to be rude."

"I'm sorry," Dan sighed, actually feeling kinda bad. He had no right to judge this lady considering his own fucked up situation. "I get that everyone needs money but I can't even buy myself enough food, or anything, so I can't help you." He started to walk away when she called him again.

"Wait!" she shouted. Dan turned around, confused. "You.. You can stay here. It looks like I won't get any clients tonight and you would probably feel better if you could sleep in an actual bed for once. I didn't get anything today but I'm not exactly poor."

Dan was silent for few seconds, then shrugged and came in. There wasn't a better option anyway.

The woman, he later found out that her name was Susan, had a nice apartment. She made dinner and let Dan sleep in her bed, while she slept on the couch. They talked a lot that night. Dan learned that Susan is 26 and has been a prostitute for three years. Her parents left her when she was only ten and she lived with her grandmother for 13 years. They were struggling with money and couldn't afford much, Susan had problems with getting job because she left school when she was only 14. her grandmother died when Susan was 23 and she needed to get a job fast. She found out that she could flirt and seduce boys easily, so she started to sleep with men for money. Now she at least had enough money to pay for rent and also have a quite normal life. Dan felt like he could trust her, so he told her about his life. He didn't open up easily but he never had anyone to talk to about his fucked up family, and he wanted to pour everything out. He even cried at one point and Susan held him and patted his back, comforting him. He ended up staying longer than he thought he would. She took care of him and he could almost say that they were friends. They even ended up being "colleagues".

"I've been thinking," Susan said one day. Dan had been staying at her flat for a week now. _She's probably gonna ask me when I'm gonna get out,_ he thought. "You are quite handsome and you could probably get some girls easily. Or boys, whatever you like. I know that you're young, but maybe you could try my business too, Dan."

"You mean, fuck people for money?"

"Well, yeah. As I said, you could probably get some clients easily."

And that's how it had started. While Susan invited her clients at her place, Dan went to their house, do what they would want to, get money, sometimes spend a night there and then go back to Susan's apartment. They agreed that Dan would live with her while he didn't have enough money to get his own place. It would still be like that until now, if Dan suddenly wouldn't become selfish. He wanted more money and less sex. He wanted to get as much as possible, regardless if the client would agree or not. It was selfish but the world has never been fair to Dan, so why would he feel ashamed?

It was an early morning. Dan woke up, still in his client's house, the guy was still sleeping. Dan dressed up and decided to look at his place more. Damn, this man was rich. His house was big and full of expensive things. He imagined how it would feel like to live here. To have a lot of money. If Dan would've known before, he would ask for more cash. This man clearly could afford that.

But why ask when you can take?

Suddenly this idea came in Dan's mind. He glanced at the man who was still sleeping. He wouldn't meet him again anyway, right?

Dan took his bag and quietly started to put some of the wealthy guy's belongings in it. He took the man's watch, wallet(of course), some clothes(they were about the same size as Dan's) and some snacks too. Then he quietly left and started to walk back home.

Dan was almost there when he remembered something important. That guy he just robbed, his client, took him from Susan's house. He knows where Dan lives. He will come back after him when he will notice the missing things. With dread Dan realised he couldn't stay there anymore. He needed to get his things from there and leave as quick as possible. Leave as far away as possible and never return back. He started to walk faster, thinking what to say to Susan and where to go. Luckily, she wasn't home so Dan took her suitcase, quickly gathered his things and left. He went to a train and bought a ticket to a furthest place possible.

Dan cursed at himself silently. He was currently in train, with no home and no friends again. He felt like shit, guilty about leaving Susan without goodbye and even stealing her suitcase. He never wanted to do anything that would make her upset.

 _Why did I have to do it?_ , he thought. _I had home, someone to talk to... Well, at least I still have money and I got more from that man, but... Susan will hate me. She helped me so much and that's how I repay her. That client will probably demand for a payback from her. I wish I could tell sorry. I could've left a note, at least. But it's too late now._

And that's how Dan's current lifestyle started. He never got a real home again, never became friendly with anyone. He didn't know if Susan still lives there, if she's still a prostitute. He thought about her a lot. Despite her lifestyle, she was a good friend.

 

But right now wasn't the time to think about the past. Dan needed to get money.

He kept talking with the girl he met, her name was Lynn, and few drinks later she was ready to let him in her bedroom.

They stumbled in her house, Dan acting more drunk than he actually was, and started making out right at the door.

It was a rather good night. Dan even stayed the night at her apartment. Lynn fell asleep quickly but he didn't feel like going back to the hotel tonight. He could just rob her tomorrow while she's asleep or in another room. He has done it plenty of times.

This time it didn't go as planned, though.

Dan woke up at Lynn shaking him.

"Quick, you need to wake up!" she hissed, looking alarmed. Dan groaned and yawned, trying to swat her hands away. This wasn't the way he wanted to wake up.

"Jeez, can I at least get ready normally? I get that this is just a one night stand, but there's no need to hurry." he grunted.

"No, no, no, you don't get it!" she started to push him out of the bed. "See, I.. I have a boyfriend and he could come in at any minute!"

"What?!" Dan shouted and sat up quickly, immediately wide awake. "Why didn't you tell me yesterday?" He didn't give a shit about Lynn cheating on her boyfriend but now things would get ugly.

"I..." Lynn blushed. She opened her mouth to finish the sentence but then they heard sound of a key turning in the lock.

"Oh shit," Dan said. Lynn looked terrified.

"Hide somewhere, quick!" She whispered.

"Go to the bathroom," Dan said. He sighed, already knowing what he has to do. "Pretend you just woke up, meanwhile I'm gonna sneak out."

She nodded and went to bathroom. Dan could hear the guy going in kitchen so he probably suspected that his girlfriend is still sleeping and didn't call for her. That was good. Dan picked up his belt from the floor and followed Lynn. He entered her bathroom and locked the door. Lynn looked at him with a puzzled look.

"What the hell are you doing?" she hissed. "That's not how we-"

She didn't get to finish the sentence. Dan quickly put his belt around her neck and started to strangle her. She attempted to fight back and scream, kicking her legs and trying to break free but she could only make a few quiet choking noises and Dan was stronger than her. Few seconds later she stopped fighting and collapsed on the floor. Dan quickly checked if she was still breathing to make sure she really was dead and then left. He could hear the guy still doing something in the kitchen so he had time to dress up. After that he pulled out a pocket knife that was almost always with him. It would be messy but he didn't know exactly how strong this dude would be so it could be risky trying to strangle him. Dan decided to hide in the hallway and wait for the man to leave the kitchen. He would not attack him there because there were plenty of knives in the kitchen and the guy could grab something to defend himself. He just got past kitchen when he heard a voice.

"Lynn, is that you? Why are you so quiet?"

_Shit._ The guy must've heard him. 

Dan hid behind a closet. He heard the man's footsteps. Luckily he went to look for her in the living room. He quietly went to the kitchen. He saw a cup of coffee. It was still steaming hot so Dan took it as well. He entered the living room and saw the guy. Lynn's boyfriend turned around and saw Dan.

The guy didn't even had time to react when Dan splashed the steaming hot coffee on his face. He screamed and started to rub his eyes. This was exactly what Dan planned. He attacked the guy with a knife, stabbing him several times in abdomen and chest. He took some piece of clothing that was laying on the floor and pressed it against man's mouth to muffle his screams. Eventually, the guy also went quiet and collapsed. He was bleeding a lot and there were no doubts he was dead. Dan took off his shirt, as it was bloody too now and started to clean up.

After cleaning the floor and washing clothes he put both bodies in bed, under blankets so it looked like they were just sleeping. Well, if you don't see the red line around Lynn's neck. Then he checked once again if all evidence about him was cleared, put on one the man's shirts, took their wallets, keys, his knife and left the flat. He locked it and later threw keys in the river so no one could find them. Every time Dan murdered someone, he was exhausted so he went back to hotel to take a nap. It has been a rough start of the day but at least he got some money.

 _I managed to get a lot of money,_ Dan thought before falling asleep. _I think I could go there tomorrow too._


	5. I'd Live This Over And Over Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He is used to it, so why is it suddenly so hard to leave?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to upload this earlier, but I didn't feel like it and it would be bad, but now I feel like writing again!  
> And finally, we're gonna meet Phil properly. (Did you saw his little appearance in the last chapter? ;] )

Dan knew it would be risky to go back to that bar again.  
Someone might have noticed him leaving the bar with Lynn, who he murdered yesterday along with her boyfriend. But he doubted that someone would have already found the bodies and he got rid of all the evidence anyway. He was safe.  
Just to be sure, he didn't change his looks at all, he didn't even straighten his hair. As much as he hated his hobbit hair, he wanted to look as different from yesterday as possible. Good thing he was wearing sunglasses - only Lynn saw his face fully. And she's dead, so there's no problem anymore.  
Dan spent his whole day reading and sleeping. It was a lazy day and he didn't feel like doing anything. He didn't really need money for now because of the yesterday's events but he was planning to leave this city soon and he wanted to get one last victim. Then he would relax, maybe go to spa, enjoy what else this city offers and go to the next one. He never stayed long at the places where he murdered someone. It is better to flee soon.

 

 _Dan was 22 and for the first time, he killed someone._  
He was staying at some old garden house. It was fall and the garden looked abandoned so Dan figured no one would come here. The place was really nice, the house was small and comfortable. It was further away from other houses, hidden behind some thick bushes. In daytime, Dan went to get food and money and when it was getting dark, went back to the garden house. He stayed there for almost 3 weeks. It didn't really feel like home, but at least he felt safe.

But of course, Dan could never feel happy for a long time.

It was just past midday when it happened. Dan was eating some leftovers, thinking what to do later, when he heard a noise. Someone was trying to unlock the door. Dan got in this house through a broken window, so the door stayed locked all the time. Right now, someone, probably the owner of this house, was getting inside and Dan had nowhere to run. The window was too close to the door and the room Dan was in didn't have any windows. There was also nowhere to hide. He was screwed.

The person who came in probably saw the food and Dan's coat and other things that shouldn't be there, because Dan heard a gasp. Then he heard a male voice, loud and angry: "Who's there?". He heard footsteps getting closer. Dan hid behind the bed, hoping that man won't come to check there. He didn't dare to look up.  
Suddenly an old man grabbed Dan by the sleeve and yanked him up. Dan somehow got out of man's grip and tried to run away but the man caught him right at the door.  
"Not so fast, you little thief! You think you can rob my house and get away?!" he hissed.  
If the situation would be different, Dan would ask what he could rob from there, as there was nothing worth stealing. But right now he just wanted to get away, so he tried to fight back but the man held him strong by the hand. In panic, Dan grabbed the shovel next to the door with his free hand and hit the man's head as hard as he could. The man screeched and collapsed on the floor, bleeding heavily.  
Dan gasped and took few steps back. He stared at the man, shocked. He was not moving, eyes closed and blood flooding from his head.

**He is dead.**

**He is dead.**

_You just killed someone._

Dan's legs started to wobble, he was completely shocked.

_I was just defending myself._

_It was an accident._

_**What have I done.** _

Dan grabbed his coat, some food and opened the door, keeping his eyes off the dead man. Then he quickly ran away, leaving the door open. The house was hidden good anyway, and at that moment he couldn't think properly.  
The second time it happened, Dan was checking coats at the library's entrance. Some woman came in and saw him. As Dan tried to get past her, she caught him and questioned him. Dan needed to get away fast. He was panicking and couldn't think straight anymore. He strangled her with his own scarf and hid her in the toilet. Then he took the scarf and ran away. Again, he was shocked at his own behaviour, but not as much as before. And some time later it just happened again and again. He still killed only if really necessary, but now he was used to it. In these 3 years, Dan had killed only 8 people, including last two victims - Lynn and her boyfriend. He could still remember all the murders. Sometimes they haunted him in his sleep, nightmares making Dan wake up in cold sweat.

 

Right now, it wasn't time for counting them, as Dan was going to the bar. Today it wasn't as crowded as the day before, but still enough to find a source of money. This time, Dan found it immediately. He was approaching the barista, as usual, to get some drink meanwhile looking for a victim when he saw him. He saw that man yesterday, before Lynn sat next to him. Dan decided to have a small talk with him, to see if he could be a victim. Luckily, the place next to him was empty. The man looked at him for a moment, but didn't do anything. He just kept drinking his cocktail. Dan decided to try the same technique as yesterday.

"Can I pay?" he asked, when the black haired man ordered another drink. He looked at Dan and lifted his eyebrow.  
Damn, he has really nice eyes. They are so blue.  
"Flirty, are we?" he said. Dan smirked.  
"Well, there's a reason to flirt."  
"And that would be...?"  
"Seeing such a handsome guy here."  
Dan knew that saying that is risky, that man could be straight or taken or both, but he wanted to try.

To his surprise, it worked.

"I guess you can pay then. And you're quite good looking too." man said, smiling. Dan blushed a little. He usually didn't but this man was really nice, and he felt desire to get him.  
"So are you here every day? I think I saw you yesterday too." Dan asked. Man laughed.  
"Nah, only on weekends, when I don't have anything better to do." he said. "What about you?"  
"I'm just here for a week, visiting my friend."  
"Is your friend here too? Do you usually ignore your friends to pay drinks and flirt with random people you find attractive?"

Dan laughed. He already liked this guy.

"Haha, no, I wanted to surprise my friend by coming here, but turns out he's on vacation. So I'm staying at a hotel for few days. I decided to meet some cool people here and looks like I found one."  
"You're wrong." man said. Dan looked at him, surprised. "I'm the least cool person you'll ever meet."  
"Well, I'll still give it a try. You seem pretty cool to me."  
"What's the definition of cool in your opinion, then?" man asked. "Is it a nerdy guy who is unbearably clumsy, goes outside only to have a drink, is forever alone and spends the whole day watching anime?"  
"If that's you, then sure. And I could say we're quite similar."  
"Really? How?"  
"Well, I'm also forever alone. I like anime too and we're both spending most of time inside doing nothing. And we both find each other good looking so I guess I can say we both look good. Also, you seem quite tall too."  
"I am quite tall. Probably even taller than you."  
"Bullshit. I'm a fucking giraffe, you're surely a bit shorter than me."  
"Nope, can't you see? I can see that you're shorter by even sitting."  
"That's because I'm not sitting straight."  
"Yeah, suuure."  
"Well then, get up! Let's see who's right."  
They both stood up at the same time, almost falling on each other. Dan looked at the man, he was so close. He smirked.  
"I said so!" Dan laughed, seeing the disappointment in other man's eyes. "I'm taller than you."  
"Okay, okay, shut up. It's only a bit anyway." They both sat again. "I lose, what now?"  
"Pay for my drink."  
"Sure. You paid for mine anyway."

Dan didn't even notice how late it was. They were talking for quite a long time now. This man seemed really interesting, almost too good to be a victim. Dan almost felt sorry for him. Almost.  
Well, they still have all night.

They had a few drinks, not too much but more than Dan usually allowed himself to drink. He was getting a little tipsy, flirting even more and less thinking about what to say. The man (he still didn't know his name) checked his phone for a few times, but didn't say anything.  
"You know what's funny?" Dan asked. "We're talking for so long and I still don't know your name."  
Man laughed again. "Yeah, we forgot to introduce ourselves. I'm Phil."  
"Nice. Suits you."  
"What's your name, then?"  
"I'm..." For some reason, Dan wanted to tell him his real name. They were talking only for an hour and he already felt like talking to a friend. "I'm D..avid."  
"Really? Doesn't suit you."  
"What?"  
"You look more like... a Winston."  
"Winston? Really?"  
"Yeah, why not."  
"Just... no, Phil."  
"Okay, if you say so, David. Still seems wrong."  
_Of course, because it's not my fucking name._  
"Whatever." Dan said, changing the subject. "So how old are you, Phil?"  
"We're doing the introduction part properly now, yeah? I'm 29."  
"Really?" He seemed younger to Dan.  
"Yeah. I know I don't look my age, but hey, at least I won't look old for longer time." Phil laughed. "And you?"  
"I'm 25. I thought you were 25 too, or even less."  
"I'll take that as a compliment."  
"You should."  
"Anyway, let's continue the "get to know each other" part. So, David, are you single?"  
"Is that what people immediately ask, when they meet a new person?"  
"Just answer the question."  
"I said I'm forever alone at the beginning of our conversation, of course I'm single."  
"Good."  
"Why?"  
"I can not feel guilty about flirting with you."  
"Well I started it, Phil."  
"Well I could reject you."  
"But you didn't."  
"I didn't."  
They stared at each other, smiling. Then Phil pulled out his phone again.  
"It's getting late," he said. "What are you planning to do after this?"  
"Why are you asking?"  
"We could do something maybe. Or else we'll just get wasted and pass out here."  
"I guess we could go somewhere, yeah. But it's almost midnight, there's nowhere to go."  
"We can take a walk around the park."  
"Excuse me? There's dark trees and who knows what else at this time of day!"  
"Are you scared?"  
Dan just grunted something. Phil laughed and patted his shoulder.  
"I just figured we could go for a walk. There's too many people and too stuffy air."  
"Are you the same Phil who said he never goes outside earlier?"  
"I go outside for a reason only."  
"Is there a reason now?"  
"Yes. I want to clear my head, and talk with you more, alone."  
Dan smiled. He can always tell when the victim is fallen into his trap, but this time he wasn't 100% sure. Besides, he was having a really good time with Phil and he actually wanted to go with him for a walk.  
"Okay then," he sighed, trying to sound upset. "Let's go."  
Phil smiled and took his coat.

They walked around for a while, not talking much, just enjoying the night and each others presence. They were in a middle of park when Dan heard something. It probably was just his imagination, but as soon he started to listen, all these weird sounds started to get to Dan. They were walking under a tree and a long, thin branch touched Dan's hair. He squealed and jumped, grabbing Phil's arm. Phil laughed and patted Dan's head.  
"It was just a branch, don't worry."  
Dan sighed and relaxed. They kept walking but kept their hands intertwined, not wanting to let go.  
They got out of the park and Phil looked at Dan, laughing.  
"It wasn't that bad, right?"  
"Shut up."  
Phil laughed again.  
"You're so cute when you are scared."  
Dan snorted.  
"That's funny for you?"  
"Actually, yes."  
"Well then, what are you scared of?"  
"Horses."  
"Seriously?"  
"Yeah! They just have these weird long faces, just... eeek!"  
"Then next time we're going somewhere, I'm gonna take you to the horse yard."  
"Nooo!" They both laughed. Again, they were just looking at each other. Phil was smiling widely. Dan thought about what he said. After this night, there will be no next time. They won't go anywhere, they're not gonna see each other again. He felt sad about that, Phil was a very nice guy and they really had a good time together. Dan felt guilty, thinking about what he's gonna do.  
He was pulled out of his thoughts by Phil kissing him.  
It was just a quick peck, nothing more. Dan looked at Phil, surprised.  
"What the hell was that?"  
Phil's smile faded a bit. Oh no, he's probably getting the wrong idea.  
"Was I supposed to count that as a kiss?" Dan laughed. "Come here, you spork."  
Phil sighed happily and threw himself into Dan's arms, kissing him properly now.  
This time, the kiss lasted for like a minute, still not enough. They just held each other, separating their lips only to catch a breath. Dan enjoyed it more than any other kiss in this whole time. He felt as good as he felt kissing his ex girlfriend so many years ago, even better. They looked at each other, smiling.  
"So..." Phil said, pushing Dan's hair away from his eyes. "What now?"  
"I don't know, you tell me."  
"How's the hotel you're staying at?"  
"Pretty shit, to be honest."  
"Well then maybe you would like to spend the night somewhere else?" Phil offered, grinning.  
Dan smiled widely and kissed him again.  
"That'd be great."

Phil's apartment was really nice. It wasn't big, as Phil lived alone and didn't need a lot of space just for himself, but it was comfortable and gave a nice atmosphere. Phil did have a lot of videogames and movies he wanted to show Dan, but of course, it wasn't possible just in one night. They decided to try out Mario Kart, which went surprisingly good for Dan, who had never played it before. He won three rounds in a row and Phil decided to stop playing. Dan laughed, celebrating his victory. Phil pouted but forgot it quickly.  
"Are you tired?" he asked Dan. "We could watch some movie, if you don't mind."  
Usually Dan just got the job done and left. It was really late already, almost 2am. But he didn't want to sleep, and he wanted to spend more time with Phil. He didn't know if they would even fuck, but even if not, he wanted to stay up as long as possible. So he agreed.

An hour passed and they stopped paying attention to the movie, continuing talking to each other. They were laying in Phil's bed, close to each other. Dan hadn't felt that strong connection to another person for a long time. He really, genuinely liked him. He wanted him. And he already knew that's it's gonna be hard to leave.  
But he still had this night and he needed to distract himself from these thoughts.  
They kissed again, but this time it was eager and more passionate, wanting more and more. Phil pulled him closer, tightening his arm around Dan's waist, the other hand in his hair. Their tongues intertwined, deepening the kiss. The movie was completely forgotten now. They held each other, starting to undress each other, both clearly wanting more. Dan hadn't felt so good in years. He never wanted this moment to end.

That night was  _really good._

 

It was 6am and Dan was still awake.

Phil was sleeping peacefully, one arm on Dan's chest. Dan didn't want to look at him. The bliss from the sex was fading and dark thoughts appeared again. Dan was angry at himself. He never got involved emotionally with his victims. He was always just acting, making them fall _for him_ and not the other way around.  
This time, he has fallen. He has fallen for this man who just fucked him, who had to be so nice and gentle and caring that Dan forgot to stay away. He never _played games_ with his victims, he never _watched movies_ with them. Those things were like a date, or spending time with a friend and Dan's victims were never friends. They were just source of a money.  
Dan sighed. Time to go, it's morning already. He got up slowly, careful to not wake Phil up. He started to look for his clothes that were thrown away carelessly. Now, it was time to get money and flee.  
But Dan couldn't. He didn't dare to touch anything that belonged to Phil. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. Phil was too nice, too good to be betrayed like that. If Dan would rob him, Phil would always remember him like a filthy thief who just used Phil to get money. Of course, that was Dan's plan at first. But if he would just leave, not taking anything, Phil would think that it was just a one night stand. Dan didn't like any of these two options, he wanted to stay with Phil. They could be good friends, maybe even more... But Dan knew that it's not possible.

Then an idea came in his mind.

Dan wrote a letter for Phil, explaining why he left. He didn't write everything, he didn't tell that he was also a murderer, not only a thief but he still revealed some things. He didn't know why he did that. Now Phil's gonna remember him with even worse thoughts, knowing everything, but it didn't matter. It's not like they're gonna meet again anyway.  
Dan placed letter on bedside table. He looked at Phil for the last time and kissed his forehead. Then he gathered his belongings and left. He stumbled in his hotel room and fell in bed, not even taking the clothes off.

He hadn't cried that much for years.


	6. Where'd You Go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil won't just let Dan go that easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I'm still here haha  
> I'm so, so sorry for dropping this! A lot of things happened and I seriously thought I won't come back to this. I wanted to but felt no inspiration anymore, even though I had planned the whole thing months ago. I promise I'll finish this soon! :)

It was already afternoon when Phil woke up.

He rolled on his side and opened his eyes to see an empty space next to him.

Phil frowned.

Honestly, what was he expecting? It was a casual one night stand. Of course he would wake up alone.  
But they had such good time...

Slowly and without any enthusiasm Phil got up, thinking he could go for a walk to clear his head. Then he saw a piece of paper on the bedside table. He grabbed it quickly, hoping for a phone number or something. Maybe there's still hope to see him again?  
His hopes slowly went down with each sentence written there. Phil read the letter, then read it again, then again, trying not to panic. He needed to do something, he needed to find Dan.

Dan.

That's much better name than David.  
Phil smiled. _No wonder I thought it doesn't fit him_ , he thought.  
He knew he should be angry, after all, Dan's intentions weren't good, he's done a lot of bad things and probably didn't reveal everything to Phil. But Phil couldn't bring himself to be mad. These hours that they spent together were fun and Dan seemed genuine. Phil liked to see the best in people and believe in them. He was sure there were reasons Dan acted like he did, and he was determinted to find them out.

But first he needed to find Dan himself.

Phil read the letter again, trying to see something useful. The only thing he knew is that Dan is staying at a hotel somewhere in this town. He didn't know how many hotels are there so he had to look it up.  
The town had only 3 hotels. One of them seemed too fancy to fit Dan's "pretty shit" description. But maybe he lied about that too, so Phil decided to write down it's adress as well. After writing down all 3 of them, he was getting ready to go to the closest one. It wasn't far from the bar where they met so he figured it could be possible that Dan's here. Not wanting to waste time, Phil went out.

Only arriving at the hotel, he realised that he has no plan. He can't just go inside and ask for Dan. He's most likely reserved a room under a different name, and even if he didn't, Phil surely couldn't just ask for a random person. He decided to go inside and wait in a lobby. Dan said he mostly stays inside, but maybe he could go out for a drink again. He didn't take any money from Phil, so Phil figured Dan would search for a new victim. Going to the same bar again to look for him seemed pointless because Dan probably wouldn't go back there after meeting Phil. The bar was also full of people and Dan could get lost easily, Phil wouldn't be able to find him there. He found an empty seat in the lobby from where he could see everything well and took out his phone to keep himself busy and not look suspicious. He played some games, not really paying attention to them, scanning people who came in and out of the hotel.

3 hours passed and nothing.

It was getting late but Phil still waited.

One hour later he sighed and went home, facing the reality: either Dan wasn't going anywhere tonight or he's not even in this hotel. Phil walked home slowly, sad and trying to think of every possible way to find Dan. It really seemed impossible. How many days would he have to wait around those hotels? How many days is Dan even staying here? What if he's away already?  
Phil sighed. He was usually quite optimistic but in this case it really seemed like he's going nowhere. But he wouldn't give up just after one day. 

The evening was nice. It was already dark but calm and quite warm so Phil took a walk through the same park again. He liked it there, used to go there often. It was usually empty, no matter what time and it had a calm, comfortable atmosphere.  
He walked there, enjoying the silence and thinking about last night. He haven't felt so good in months. Phil was friendly but worked most of the time in office and couldn't meet friends often so they grew apart. He had good colleagues and went out with them sometimes. But it has been a while since he had such strong feelings towards someone, much less so fast. He knew there were a lot of reasons why he and Dan couldn't work out, but he needed to meet him again. He couldn't just leave things like that.

Phil was in the middle of the park when he noticed something. There was a person sitting (or sleeping?) against a tree, head on their knees. Phil frowned and slowed down. It could be someone drunk, but also someone aggressive. This town didn't have the best reputation, there were enough criminals too. Phil decided to go past the person as quietly as possible. The person didn't seem to notice, or maybe just didn't care. Phil came closer, eyes never leaving the suspicious person until he stepped out of the shadows and saw the person more clearly.

He stared at the person in shock.

It was Dan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's late and I'm quite tired so I apologise for any mistakes!  
> Sorry for the cliffhanger hehehe :D next chapter should be up tomorrow!


End file.
